Dummheiten and firsts.

DOUGS DUMMHEITEN and First Times.
As many of you will know, I have just returned from a three week
holiday in the U.S. I havent't seen daughter Anne and son in law Bob
since Christmas 1995, so as you can imagine it was quite an eventful
trip. For the uninitiated she lives about 12 miles from Deer River
(Pop 903), set on Federal Highway 2, almost halfway between Wisconsin
and North Dakota, and about 90 miles from the Canadian border. As you
can see, not exactly a thriving metropolis, and to get anywhere one
has to drive.

I was picked up in Twin Cities on the Friday night and delivered
safely home. Saturday we discussed what would happen whilst there,
and I said if I could borrow one of the family cars, I would like to
visit an old friend from my Iranian days who was summering in
Wisconsin. Anne thought it was a long way for a young lad like me to
travel on my own and offered to drive me there. I said it was only
about 400 miles, so a quick check on Yahoo travel search, showed 393
miles. After much deliberation, it was finally agreed that I'd be
allowed out on my own. On the Tuesday I set out bright and early,
having had my first lesson in the use of GPS, or Sat Nav as we call
it. Having mastered it, I was gaining confidence in modern technology
and having travelled through mist, drizzle, heavy rain, sunshine and
then in Duluth, thick fog with visibility down to about 20 yards I
had complete trust in it. Before leaving, Bob warned me to watch out
for roadkill. On the journey I saw two squashed skunks, two run over
racoons, about twenty dead deer and about thirty commercial tyre
carcasses scattering the highway. The Sat Nav was a detachable one, so
it lay on the passenger seat and I couldn't see the screen and only
listened to the spoken directions, which to my mind was quite
satisfactory. Arriving at Wisconsin Dells about 20 miles before my
destination I had a near miss. The Dells is a cross between a
miniature Las Vegas and Blackpool. All amusement arcades, casinos,
water slides funfair attractions, roller coasters, even lake trips in
ex army DUKWS. It is extremely busy. I was on the main street (Max
25 mph) doing about 20 mph when from the right, about three yards in
front of me shot a deer doing a high rate of knots. A school bus on
my left also managed to avoid it, and I believe the two lanes of
oncoming traffic also avoided it. One lucky little animal.
I arrived at my pals in good order, and had a couple of wonderful
days, eating, drinking and reminiscing. I left early on the Friday
morning to avoid traffic and set off for home. After a couple of
hours, and just over a hundred miles I reached a little place called
York. The name sounding familiar, I thought it would be a good place
to stop, have a snack and tank up. Horror of horrors, I realised I had
left my jacket complete with credit cards in my mates wardrobe. I
could have spit feathers. Having to return to his place stuck over
200 miles and four hours on my journey back. It is said stupidity must
be paid for, and I certainly paid that day, with over 600 miles and 12
hours travelling. Good job I didn't have a Tacho.That was stupid act
No 1.

My youngest granddaughter graduated with honours from high school on
6th June, so a large house party was in order. It was also one of my
great granddaughters fifth birthday, so we had quite a houseful. It
was also another first for me. I met my ten American great
grandchildren for the very first time. I will admit a few tears were
shed on both sides.

Stupid act No2 came after my arrival back in England. After an
uneventful flight I arrived back in Heathrow and took a hopper bus
back to the hotel. Sleeping on my feet, I got off the bus and went to
enter the hotel foyer. Walking through bright sunlight into the dim
foyer I walked straight into a glass door breaking my specs. I'm
beginning to think the kids may be right when they say I'm not fit to
be let out on my own. If anyone would like an unabridged version, I'll
only be too happy to continue whenever we meet.

Doug.